Saying "I'm sorry," is difficult for most of us. We think it might mean, "I made a mistake, so I wasn't good enough." But the true grace of an apology is,
"I recognize that I made a mistake. I am not that person now, and won't make that mistake again. I care enough about you to be
willing to be vulnerable to say that. I hope you will forgive me."  It's quite different. You show that you have grown. You show that you are willing to trust that the other person will accept your apology, and also be big hearted enough to forgive you. So it has the potential for changing how an angry person might see him/herself as well. Now he/she can offer forgiveness, and cease an unhappy dispute. It's a chance to be loving.

Now here's another thing. Some people have a hard time accepting Love. It should be the easiest thing in the world, but sometimes,
when  you've been hurt by people you love, it is hard to accept it. It's hard to trust that by forgiving someone, they won't turn around and hurt you again, as if forgiving someone had any control over that. So even if you offer someone an apology, they might not accept it at first, but you can be at peace about this it.

I would wager my life on the fact that at the True level of our being the other person loves you dearly. But that's not fair. That's the way our souls are built, so he/she can't help it. Now at the level of the personality it may seem like he/she has a choice of accepting it or not. Stay in love with him/her. Keep on loving this being who feels wounded on the outside. Your continued love will bring healing. An act of love is never lost, and saved for the perfect moment when a soul can receive it.

One time my special needs daughter, Mary Elizabeth and I had a bad patch, and there was no reasoning with her. What was I supposed to do or say?
I'd be in tears sometimes as she'd say, "I hate you Mom.". One
day when I was praying, I was told, "Tell her you love her anyway." So that is what I did. I practiced first, in my mind, so that I was ready
for it. Then one day, during a tirade I said, "I love you anyway Bird." It was the truth, and it worked. She walked away. We had fewer
arguments, but whenever she got made and said something mean, I'd say, "I love you anyway Bird."

Be generous with your love. You have an endless supply of it, because you are it! And you'll feel more of it the more you give it away.

A friend of mine is soon going to a family reunion. A father and daughter have been in conflict for 3 years, and it is tearing up the family. She asked me about it, and I sent the following letter to her. Maybe it will ring true for others.

What if life is actually the collective dream of many of us wanting to experience our eternal spirit in a three dimensional world? Our whole existence would be focused on supporting what is important to us, our reason for coming to Earth. But also,all that we would take from this 3-D world are the experiences that connect us to our true spiritual world. Those experiences are basically love and joy. Every other thing or thought would fall away or decay in time, including our bodies.

And what if when die, and drop our bodies, we are given a life review in more than 3D? In this life review we experience the effects of everything that we have said and done that has had a strong effect on others. We would experience a strong argument or fight from the perspective of the other
person. We are not judged or punished, as usually the life review is enough to teach us, and we are then returned to the perspective of the love that we truly are, and feel the joy of being connected to everything else.

I believe this is the foundation for what Jesus meant when he said, "That which is flesh is flesh, and that which is spirit is spirit." We are both in this world. We are always given a choice to act from love or fear. And what we fear is always from the ego's perspective, and always seeks to protect the ego's concept of how wonderful it is, and how others are wrong when there's a problem. Our holy selves, won't interrupt the ego's tirades. Our holy selves wait patiently for the ego attack to be over, and the mind to finally say, "I'm tired of this bull____. There must be a better way." Our spirit's perspective
asks, "What is really important to you?" "What do you want to spend your life's precious energy doing?" "Do you want to be happy or right?" It may remind us that we only have a few years here, and our entire experience to be in spirit and connected.

So actually some people do choose to experience intense arguments here, because they can't do that in heaven. They may choose to totally avoid important issues to them by drinking, because there are no issues in heaven. They may choose to experience imperfect bodies here, because in heaven: No bodies, no egos. We don't know the lessons that people come to learn. It would be arrogant to say, "You should do this, or that." It's challenging enough to make good choices for ourselves.

In spite of what we've heard, what if God doesn't judge us? God is pure loving spirit and sees us as pure spirit of love. It's like the parent who walks into the child's bedroom because the child is crying out. The parent sees that the child is safe, and tucked in bed, but experiencing a nightmare. The parent doesn't know what the nightmare is, but knows that eventually the child will wake up, and be itself again. It's the same with God. God knows we'll wake up and remember.

To put family into this......
Family members are usually the dearest to us of all the souls created. The world can get really ugly, and it's important to have a base of support. Families agree to do that for each other. Also, family members we have difficulty with agreed to take that role, so that the other person could learn something. Mostly the lessons are about  learning to overcome the ego. The ego manipulates and can be manipulated by basically 4 things: money, power, sex (and body things) and approval. We sometimes have to smash up pretty hard against this 3D world.  Hate does have an effect on one's body, and can lead to illness, cancer, ulcers, disease, etc., but the nightmares will end. Love cannot help but be restored, because in truth that is all there is.

So when family issues come up, we cannot take sides. We cannot judge. It is their issue. We outsiders can never know what the issue is. But it is not fair for the disputants to say things like, "We won't come to your house if ________ is there," because that is an attempt to manipulate us to take sides and choose hate over love. No one is a victim. We are all in Truth, incredible people, and love each other equally. Oh, did I mention that in the True world we all love each other equally? There are no favorites in heaven. That's how we were made, and we can't change it.

I sometimes wonder if arguing family members really know how much tension and sadness this causes in the family. Even the new generation of childen coming up can pick up on tension. What are we teaching them?

Sometimes in mediation the disputants are more interested in casting blame for a problem on the other, than really wanting to resolve the issue. We mediators say something like  "We are not here to judge this. Where do you want to go from here. Let's be solution oriented, and each of you state
what you want." It helps that a neutral person like a mediator  is in the room to see that both sides play fairly. Another thing is that we only allow the
true disputants, not friends, fiancees or husbands, etc. to mediate. It is not about power or who's right. It's about creating a future that makes you happy.