This was first written, and I thought published on Oct. 11th, the day I left to return to the mainland for my late mother's Celebration of Life. I wanted to share it then, because I was going to be living it! But something went awry with my web host, and the "error" meant that it never made it. So sad. So let me share this one first, before I begin writing another about the recent past.

 

 

Oct. 11, 2011

Thanks to all of you who have continued to visit this site while I was on the mainland for nearly 4 months helping my mother to pass from a very mean throat cancer. She is now on the other side, and I've been blessed with the experience. I fly back to the mainland tonight for her “Celebration of Life”.  I'll write more about it, but in the meantime, while I was at my family home, I found "Roberts Rules of Order for Family Gatherings". My maiden name is Roberts, and we used to have difficulty sometimes in conversations. I emailed the following to everyone, and we had a lovely Christmas gathering that year, about 15 years ago!!!! I share it with you. It will still work well.

 

Roberts' Rules of Order for Family Gatherings

 

1. Remember that we all love each other, and that love feels good.

 

2. You have an unlimited supply of love.

 

3. People are either expressing love to you or calling out for love by their rotten behavior. Your job is to get them back to #1. You can do that because of #2.

 

4. It is not your job to make others happy. Sooner or later their own pain will cause them to seek happiness if it is painful enough. Some people think that getting attention by complaining all the time makes them feel better. It doesn’t, because it causes them to keep thinking about their problems rather than thinking about what really would make them happy. Your job is to be responsible for your own happiness, and not blame others for your unhappiness. You always have the choice. If you are unhappy you may ask others what makes them happy.

 

5. You cannot possibly judge another person. It is arrogant to think so. You would have to know the entire experience of the individual, what his/her soul purpose is, and what the current lesson of the soul was. In other words, You’d have to be God.

 

6. Sometimes you may want to give someone advice about something. Why? Is it really to help them? Will it make you seem smarter? If you want to give someone advice, ASK FIRST, “WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ADVICE ON THAT SUBJECT?” If they say no, SHUT UP.

 

7. If someone starts offering you advice anyway, you have the choice of listening, because there is great wisdom amongst us, or you may say politely, “I don’t want your advice right now. When I do, I’ll ask for it.” You can be polite if you remember #5. They are unable to judge you. If you feel like they are, so what. You are Love. Shake it off.

 

8.If you blow your cool with someone, there is magic in the words, “I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and to the best of my ability, I won’t do it again.” The sooner you do it the better. Time distorts events. Don’t let a disagreement brew over 24 hours without addressing it.

 

9. It is easier to admit that you made a mistake than to spend time trying to justify what you did.

 

10. You have an unlimited ability to forgive someone because of #2.

 

11. Triangling is dangerous. Triangling is  speaking to someone close to the person you really want to talk to instead of talking to the person directly, or talking about the person behind his/her back. Miscommunication can result. Tell the person initiating the triangling to go to the other person directly. If asked, you could help them get clear in what they want to say if they seem confused. Strive for clarity, and be solution oriented, rather than blame oriented. Make sure you know what YOU want when you enter a difficult conversation.

 

12. No one has the right to bully or abuse another person, and the person who feels bullied needs to say so.

 

13. Humor is a great antidote to tension. Everyone should have at least one joke or funny story to tell us.

 

14. We tend to be a high strung family. This is because we are intelligent and sensitive. This is good. Sometimes we get oversensitive or read too much into what another person has said or done. This is bad. You can always ask for feedback if you think you may have misunderstood someone.

 

15. Correcting a person’s grammar or diction interferes with communication. If you understand them, don’t break their chain of thought. But if you don’t understand what they are talking about, ask for clarity.

 

And here are two new ones:

16. Smiling is a powerful tool wherever you go. It lets others know that you are OK, and most likely not going to give them any trouble! May you all smile often, and mean it.

 

17. Sometimes a person is so convinced that they are right that nothing you can say will change anything. Rather than continue a difficult conversation you can ask yourself. “Do I want to be happy or right?” Is being right worth making someone uncomfortable? Thanks to Gerry Jampolsky for that one.

 

 

 

 

Thanks to all of you who have continued to visit this site while I was on the mainland for nearly 4 months helping my mother to pass from a very mean throat cancer. She is now on the other side, and I've been blessed by the experience. I fly back to the mainland tonight for her “Celebration of Life”.  I'll write more about it, but in the meantime, while I was at my family home, I found "Roberts Rules of Order for Family Gatherings". My maiden name is Roberts, and we used to have difficulty sometimes in conversations. I emailed the following to everyone, and we had a lovely Christmas gathering that year, about 15 years ago!!!! I share it with you.

 

Roberts' Rules of Order for Family Gatherings

 

1. Remember that we all love each other, and that love feels good.

 

2. You have an unlimited supply of love.

 

3. People are either expressing love to you or calling out for love by their rotten behavior. Your job is to get them back to #1. You can do that because of #2.

 

4. It is not your job to make others happy. Sooner or later their own pain will cause them to seek happiness if it is painful enough. Some people think that getting attention by complaining all the time makes them feel better. It doesn’t, because it causes them to keep thinking about their problems rather than thinking about what really would make them happy. Your job is to be responsible for your own happiness, and not blame others for your unhappiness. You always have the choice. If you are unhappy you may ask others what makes them happy.

 

5. You cannot possibly judge another person. It is arrogant to think so. You would have to know the entire experience of the individual, what his/her soul purpose is, and what the current lesson of the soul was. In other words, You’d have to be God.

 

6. Sometimes you may want to give someone advice about something. Why? Is it really to help them? Will it make you seem smarter? If you want to give someone advice, ASK FIRST, “WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ADVICE ON THAT SUBJECT?” If they say no, SHUT UP.

 

7. If someone starts offering you advice anyway, you have the choice of listening, because there is great wisdom amongst us, or you may say politely, “I don’t want your advice right now. When I do, I’ll ask for it.” You can be polite if you remember #5. They are unable to judge you. If you feel like they are, so what. You are Love. Shake it off.

 

8.If you blow your cool with someone, there is magic in the words, “I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and to the best of my ability, I won’t do it again.” The sooner you do it the better. Time distorts events. Don’t let a disagreement brew over 24 hours without addressing it.

 

9. It is easier to admit that you made a mistake than to spend time trying to justify what you did.

 

10. You have an unlimited ability to forgive someone because of #2.

 

11. Triangling is dangerous. Triangling is  speakiing to someone close to the person you really want to talk to instead of talking to the person directly. Miscommunication can result. Tell the person initiating the triangling to go to the other person directly. If asked, you could help them get clear in what they want to say if they seem confused. Strive for clarity, and be solution oriented, rather than blame oriented. Make sure you know what YOU want when you enter a difficult conversation.

 

12. No one has the right to bully or abuse another person, and the person who feels bullied needs to say so.

 

13. Humor is a great antidote to tension. Everyone should have at least one joke or funny story to tell us.

 

14. We tend to be a high strung family. This is because we are intelligent and sensitive. This is good. Sometimes we get oversensitive or read too much into what another person has said or done. This is bad. You can always ask for feedback if you think you may have misunderstood someone.

 

15. Correcting a person’s grammar or diction interferes with communication. If you understand them, don’t break their chain of thought. But if you don’t understand what they are talking about, ask for clarity.

And here are two new ones:

 

16. Smiling is a powerful tool wherever you go. It lets others know that you are OK, and most likely not going to give them any trouble! May you all smile often, and mean it.

 

17. Sometimes a person is so convinced that they are right that nothing you can say will change anything. Rather than continue a difficult conversation you can ask yourself. “Do I want to be happy or right?” Is being right worth making someone uncomfortable? Thanks to Gerry Jampolsky for that one.